Becoming the Bride: Things I’ve Had to Come to Terms with While Planning a Small Wedding

Becoming the Bride is my honest wedding planning series – part reflection, part behind-the-scenes, and all the ups and downs. It’s about finding peace in the planning, joy in the small moments, and gratitude in this season of preparing for change.

If you haven’t read the other posts in this series – find them here.

Today is actually 100 days until my wedding so what perfect timing for another wedding post!

This post is a little different from the others in the series but if you haven’t read them, check them out here. Let me know which format you like better!

When we got engaged my fiancé knew exactly where he wanted to have our wedding. We set up a tour and I loved the space, too. The only concern was that it’s small – built for a micro wedding. My fiancé is one that doesn’t like attention so he had no problem with a micro wedding. Me, on the other hand, I’m the kind of gal that wears a sash or t-shirt on her birthday. I have no problem with some attention on me and therefore am fine with a larger wedding. So, we had to discuss who we’d be able to invite and what we envisioned for our day to see if a small wedding could work.

We decided to go with a small, more intimate wedding. Partly because it would keep the costs down. We’re in our late 30s and want to be married and start our lives together. We don’t want to spend years saving for the wedding. Also, I’m in the busiest season of my life to date. I’m working full-time, doing hair behind the chair part-time, and building my coaching business. And now, I’m also planning a wedding. So, I hoped that keeping it small would make it easier and help me stay sane.

Here are the things we had had to come to terms with as we plan our small wedding:

(Okay, some of these will likely be true regardless of the size of the wedding but I imagine they present themselves differently. I only know them from my experience.)

Someone Will Be Hurt by Not Being Invited

This is the biggest thing for me – not being able to invite everyone we know. Due to the capacity constraint of the venue we decided to just cut the guest list off at aunts and uncles. This was a hard decision to make because we both have a lot of cousins, 2nd cousins, and friends we love spending time with. And many of them have had us at their weddings.

I see a lot of quotes about your wedding and your funeral being the 2 times all your loved ones will be in the same room and it makes me sad that so many of my loved ones won’t be at my wedding. But I know it’s right for us in this season of life.

I’m sure some people will be hurt that they aren’t invited, but it’s not our intent. 

Honestly, besides blogging about it (haha) I haven’t shared a lot of specifics with people who ask because I don’t want to rub it in that they aren’t invited. But, then it feels like I’m not willing to share. Definitely the hardest part of a small wedding!

Small Doesn’t Mean Inexpensive

I thought having less people would mean a cheaper venue and less food so I thought we’d be able to have all the vendors and decorations we wanted. But, of course that’s not true. There’s still a tradeoff. I mean, food is really expensive, haha. Fortunately, we’re thrilled with all of our vendors and I don’t think we’ll feel like we’re missing the ones we don’t have.

Speaking of vendors we’re thrilled with – let’s take a moment for these engagement photos! It was hard to pick a few to use here because there are so many amazing ones to choose from.

We Can’t Make Everyone Happy

Less people will mean there are less people to mingle with and avoid any drama. I’ve heard that people get weird about weddings and boy is that true. But, fingers crossed that’s not an issue for the actual wedding day!

Our Wedding Won’t Look Like Others

Most of the weddings I’ve seen lately have large wedding parties and big crowds. When I picture the day we’re planning I have to make sure not to picture that. 

Comparison is bound to happen with anything but I don’t want to get so caught up in what I’m seeing that I forget our own vision and regret our decision.

Smaller Bridal Events

A smaller guest list means less people to invite to a shower and bachelorette party, too. Which isn’t bad in itself. But, something I didn’t really think about when we set the guest list.

Like I said before, we want to be married and start our lives together. The marriage matters more than the event. And regardless of what happens, at the end of the day we’ll be married! That perspective has helped me stay focused when things get stressful.

I’m so thankful for the support we have from friends, family, and even followers, whether they are coming to the wedding or not, as we enter this chapter. People are happy for us and I really appreciate that.

This season has been about so much more than flowers, timelines, and guest lists. It’s challenged me to let go of what I thought wedding planning was supposed to look like and focus on what feels right for us. Some days that’s been easy, and other days it’s required a lot of grace, a lot of patience, and a lot of reminding myself why we’re doing this in the first place.

As I continue this Becoming the Bride journey, I’m realizing that the woman walking into marriage is just as important as the wedding she’s planning. And while our wedding day will come and go, the lessons I’m learning along the way will serve me long after the wedding day is over.

If you want to follow along as I plan, cry, and celebrate this new chapter, make sure you’re subscribed – I’ll be sharing more updates and maybe a few photos when the big day comes.

And if any of this resonated with you, small wedding or not, let me know in the comments!