Becoming the Bride: The Side of Wedding Planning No One Talks About

Becoming the Bride is my honest wedding planning series – part reflection, part behind-the-scenes, and all the ups and downs. It’s about finding peace in the planning, joy in the small moments, and gratitude in this season of preparing for change.

If you haven’t read the other posts in this series – find them here.

We’re just under 30 days and I’m excited and want to throw up at the same time. How can there still be so much to do? The other day I shared with my email list that I have had zero motivation with my blog because my brain has been so full with other things. I had plans to do a couple more wedding planning journey updates but I just haven’t had it in me. I still want to share wedding content so instead I thought I’d write about what’s been front and center the last few months – the stress that people don’t talk about.

Wanting to Explain Yourself

Early on this wasn’t too bad for us but there have been more comments recently. Sigh. A lot of the comments have been from people who haven’t planned a wedding in the last decade so that’s frustrating. Things change and since 2020 the wedding industry has changed a lot.

There are a lot of things that we just can’t control the cost on. We picked a small venue which meant the rental fee was cheaper than others. But food is still expensive. I have the internal battle of wanting to explain our choices but I also know they are our choices and we don’t have to defend them. Especially when people are just out of touch with the current wedding industry. As if making these decisions and paying for them isn’t stressful enough!

People have opinions and the closer they are to you the more they think their opinion matters. I want people to have a good experience at the wedding they are spending time and money to come to and I’ve had that in mind when I make decisions. And most importantly, I want M and I to feel like we had the best day that felt like us.

M and I are really good about checking with each other and seeing what we actually want and that helps us know that the decision is the right one. As a coach that helps women recover from being people pleasers – I know trying to explain yourself and defend your choices takes away your peace so I have to remember to just let it go and focus on the reason for it all (M and I getting married!).

People Letting Their Worst Selves Come Out

Every person I’ve talked to about “drama” happening has said, yeah that happens. Like it’s just part of this experience. How sad is that? On one hand I’m glad I’m not alone in that but also, it’s really crummy. It’s hard to enjoy this season and prepare for such a big life event when people treat you badly and add stress to your daily life.

It’s a huge reminder to me that everyone should be in therapy! Your family member making a big commitment to someone they care deeply about and feel connected to shouldn’t cause so much angst or feel like some sort of competition.

I try to be present and make the most of a moment, so this is the part that has been really hard on me lately. Enjoying wedding planning and being engaged has gone out the window and I’m just hanging on and trying to make it through the wedding.

I don’t want to have regrets about how this season went or not enjoying what was supposed to be such a special time in my life but I know I’ve done the best I can.

What I’m Really Learning in This Season

The bond I have with my partner is truly the most important thing.

Just because someone is related to you doesn’t mean they want what’s best for you.

Boundaries are important for keeping your peace. Even when it’s hard to hold them, it’s worth it.

Making decisions has always been hard for me especially when there isn’t a “right decision” but making ones that align with my values feels right.

And one of the biggest things I’ve learned is letting go of expectations that were never mine to carry. I can’t control other people or the way things go – only how I respond. And the way others act is a reflection on them, not me. (This might be a good future blog post, ha.)

I still plan to share more of my timeline like I did in previous series posts but it’ll come after the wedding when I finally have some time to sleep and have less in my brain. I already know I’ll have the post wedding blues and will want to reminisce on it all. So be sure you’re subscribed to get those and pictures from the big day in your inbox!

And if you’re a recent bride or bride-to-be, I’d love to hear if you’ve experienced these things too.