How to Avoid Trauma Dumping from Clients as a Hairstylist

I’m sure you’ve seen a meme about knowing everything about your client except where they part their hair. It’s so true, right? We really do know so much about our clients. And while the relationships we build are the best part of the job, they can be draining, too.

Especially when it comes to negativity or heavy conversations. When you’re with a client for a few hours at a time it’s easy to chat about life and the things on their mind. Have you noticed clients spilling too many of their problems and you start to feel off? Maybe you feel uncomfortable with the information. Or maybe it’s intense and you’re now having a hard time focusing on their hair service.

Of course you want to help your client – you want them to feel safe and seen while they’re in your chair. But when it turns into trauma dumping it can be unpleasant and affect your mindset and productivity in the long run.

Many clients view their hair appointment as a chance to let it all out. Just today I saw a video about someone’s “therapy appointment” and it was actually a hair appointment.

As professionals, we have to be careful to protect our own mental health so that we can continue to show up for our clients and ourselves.

Here are some ways to avoid client client trauma dumping:

What is Trauma Dumping?

First, let’s define trauma dumping. It’s when someone shares emotionally heavy or deeply personal information or experiences without knowing if the listener is prepared to handle it. Like a triggering story without a trigger warning.

For the listener (in this case, the hairstylist) it can feel like a one-sided flood of emotions which leaves them uncomfortable and drained. This is common in a salon setting when a client views the opportunity as a time to clear their mind. There’s something about the environment we create for our clients that makes them feel safe and open to share. Like when people say, “what happens in the salon stays in the salon”.

If you’re experiencing trauma dumping from clients, you’re doing a great job making them feel calm, safe, and cared for. But, it’s not good for your mental health or your productivity, so it’s important to encourage healthy emotional sharing.

Compared to trauma dumping, healthy emotional sharing is a balanced exchange where both people feel comfortable and respected in the conversation. The client is aware that it’s your workplace and you may not have the capacity to listen or react as you work. There’s an understanding that you’re not responsible for fixing the problem because you’re not actually a therapist. It allows space for support and celebration without overwhelming you.

In your chair, prioritize healthy emotional sharing by encouraging positive conversations while maintaining professional boundaries to prevent trauma dumping.

Now onto how to do that:

1. Boundaries in the Salon

I talk a lot about boundaries on my blog because they’re incredibly important for wellness and mental health. And the same goes for your hair business, too.

When we think of business boundaries we think of policies, pricing, and set hours. For more about business boundaries, read this post. And read this one about cancellation policies.

But do we think about what we allow our clients to do and not do? Do you not want to talk about politics? Is there a specific thing you just don’t want to talk about anymore with clients? Change the subject.

Don’t want your clients walking around the salon when you step away to grab something? Tell them to wait right there, you’ll be right back. Don’t want them to put their purse on your color tray because you need to use it? Show them where they can put their purse and offer to move it for them.

To some it may sound silly but things like this are important because they affect the way you’re able to do your job and the result your client will get.

The same goes for trauma dumping. Protecting your energy and mindset allows you to remain professional and focused on your service which allows for better results for the client.

2. Redirect Conversations

Like with the examples above, when a client is entering trauma dumping territory, it’s time to change the subject. I know it’s hard to do, so here are some tips:

• Simply say “That sounds really tough! Have you been able to talk to someone who specializes in that?”
• Say something like, “I wish I could be of more help but I’m not sure what to say.” And then ask a question about something else – anything really.
• Use humor or make a lighthearted comment.
• Focus on their hair – “What’s your dream hair goal?” or “Do you think you’ll stick with this color for awhile?”.
• Use stepping away from the chair as a chance to change the topic. Like when you come back from mixing more color start talking about something else – weekend plans, a new restaurant, a show you’ve been watching.

You (and your client) may feel awkward after you redirect the conversation. Do your best to keep the same tone and act as you normally would so that the rest of the appointment goes well. 

Assume your client didn’t intend to make you uncomfortable so you don’t want them to feel like they did something wrong or that they can’t talk for the rest of the appointment.

3. Address When Needed

If a client doesn’t take the hint when you redirect the conversation or if they continue to trauma dump at every appointment something more needs to be done.

In this case remain calm and professional. Let them know kindly but firmly that you’re not comfortable with these kinds of conversations or topics. You can say something like “This makes me uncomfortable. Can we talk about something else?” or “I’m sorry to hear that is happening to you but I don’t feel like I’m the best person for this conversation.”.

If you need help addressing it, or the client reacts in a way you’re not sure how to handle, ask the salon owner or your salon mentor to help. They may have a better way to phrase what you want to say or they may talk to the client for you depending on the situation.

You may want to let them go as a client. That’s okay. Again, be kind but firm. Let them know you won’t be able to schedule them again. Or that you no longer think you are a good fit for them.

This blog post talks about handling client conflict. Read if for more advice!

It’s not likely that you’ll need to address it further or that your client will be offended. I believe that most clients don’t intend to make you uncomfortable and will actually be embarrassed they’ve done so. But, I wanted to give you some tips so you feel prepared to handle any situation.

While the relationships we build with clients are the best part of the job, they can be draining, too. Especially when they rely on you to be a sounding board for their tough emotions.

We want to help our clients but we can’t do so at our own expense. Protecting our energy allows us to continue showing up and providing our best service to all of our clients.

Have you ever dealt with this? Tell me your experience in the comments!

If you found this post helpful – share it with a fellow stylist!